Today is another 15th. I am now 9 months along in my journey. This month has been hard with a lot of change in my life. The days go by fast but the feelings linger. I still miss my boy every minute of every day. I see other families with their children and hear of stories and I feel a little lost and out of place. I'm on a road that I didn't choose and steering in a direction that takes me farther away from the life I thought I would have. But sprinkled throughout these uncertain times are little gifts. Gifts that I cannot ignore and believe that Colton gives me.
I've been able to really start getting involved with my volunteer work at CHOC. I feel so passionate about this and feel that it is a way that I can take my experiences and help future families that might be in our situation. I've made great new friendships with people that I probably would not have met if I hadn't had Colton. I've found strength that I didn't know I had, but I've also found that I am quicker to admit weakness. I've learned that its OK to be overwhelmed and not always in control.
Finally, I had a particularly neat gift today. A friend, Rick Brotherton, happened to send me the logo samples for Colton's Kangaroo Club. I love them, and am hopeful that we will be able to do great things through this vehicle for families related to Kangarooing. I smiled when I saw the email this morning from Rick. Of all the days of the month for it to arrive, today was the day. Me thinks someone upstairs had something to do with that. :) I get my little gifts wrapped up in loving packages and I feel so lucky, even when I'm sad.
I love you my little man. Mommy hopes to see you in my dreams tonight.
The NICU adventures of Colton Chilla as he grew and the journey of his mommy after he became an angel.
