Rough Week

This has been a rough week. I think it must be because there have been a lot of "finals". We had to proof Colton's gravestone and finalize it. We ordered the gliders, which is something we are so excited to do, but it feels finished. We deposited his life insurance payment. We took down all the blue ribbons that our friends had tied up all throughout the neighborhood. All so final. Maybe it just because more time has gone by and reality is settling in. I was walking our dog today and on the trails everything is so green and healthy looking and for some reason it made me think about Colton and how he never got to feel the breeze on his face or grass beneath his toes. I'm sad for him that he never made it out of the hospital, free from wires, free from needles. He had such a hard life while he was here. I only hope that where he is now he feels warmth and comfort. My heart aches for him and for those of us left behind missing him every minute of every day. I miss my beautiful boy so very much.

Rockers Are Ordered

Hi all! Just wanted to let you know that we have officially ordered the gliders for the NICU. We ended up going a little more high-end than originally anticipated, but it was needed in order to get the special fabric, etc. Thanks to all of your donations we were able to order five Dutalier gliders, with chocolate micro-suede with an espresso wood finish. They are custom made to order so we are told that it will take about 8-10 weeks for delivery. They will be delivered to our home and we will then make arrangements to take them into the NICU. We'll keep you updated! Thank you again to all the members of Colton's Kangaroo Club.

One Month

My dear little Colton. It has been one month since I last held you. One month since I last felt your soft skin. One month since I smelled the top of your head. One month has gone by so fast yet it feels like years have gone by since I looked at your beautiful little face. Life is slowly returning to normal, but you are never far from my thoughts and never gone from my heart. I am reminded daily about your special little life and only hope that I can honor you in the way you deserve. Daddy and I miss you so much. We love you always, our beautiful boy.

Kangaroo Club

Donny and I want to ackowledge all the wonderful donations that we have recieved for Colton's Kangaroo Club. Some of you may be wondering where we are on progress for that so we wanted to provide an update. I have been in touch with the NICU Director to make sure we follow all the rules, but we have made arrangements to deliver in person (we'll take photos) and be able to see them in the NICU which will be very special for Donny and I. We are also ordering plaques for each of the rockers that will note that the rocker was donated by Friends & Family of Colton Chilla. We want everyone to know how special you all are for making this happen. It will take a couple of weeks for the plaques to be made and shipped. Once we have them we will purchase the rockers and make arrangements for delivery. We'll keep you posted on the exact date as we get closer.

I want to take a minute to write out each of your names and recognize your gift. You are all now a part of Colton's Kangaroo Club.

Jodie & Tony Masciola
Gary & Cherie King
Brandon & Jackie Schaefer
John & Stacie McKeehan
Carol & Timothy Scovel
James Bracewell
Kathy Dare
Krissy Livingston
Eric & Anna Mae Tan
Melissa & Dean Gillespie
Kurt & Jennifer Fryling
Kristin & Gerald Ryner
Alan & Sherry Kwok
Erick & Annie Flores
Jeffrey & Carol Hirsh
Milan & Kris Chilla
Richard & Joyce Berzle
Randy & Sharon Miller
Diane McElligatt
Margie Anderson
Russ & Judi Schaefer
Right at Home
Larry & Melanie Yeager
Dan & Liz Ostrosky
Debbie & Rob Summers
Rob & Renee Babbush
Carolyn Babb
Debra Corsini
Jennifer Logullo, Tammy Brown, Marissa Snook, Jen Bippus
Anne & Sloane Stegen
SuMommy Summers
Sara & Michael Tams
Bob & Jill Wiltfong
Amy Skeen
Billie and Johnnie Wallingford
Dave Hadley
Merrily Orsini
Joan Hirsh
Janice & Robert Hunt
Kathy & Bill Garner
Rich & Julie Ostrosky
Bob & Floss Rahn
Katy & Chuck Philyaw
Candice Romley & Family
Pat & Randy Kunkel
Eric & Lindsey Ronay
Mike & Mary Smith
William & Chrissy Roland
Lynisa King & Steven Michalski
Dr. Howard & Jacqueline Groveman
Caren Kurlander
Alice & Bob Saunders
Dorian & Bill Sailer
Carla & James Petit

Thank you all again, you are truly amazing.

Remembrance

It has been a few weeks since I last posted and I know some of you are probably wondering how we are doing. Many days are numb, many are filled with tears. Sometimes I catch myself laughing like all is normal and I pause to wonder if that is ok. Around every corner is some memory and in every part of the house is some little token of preparation for Colton's arrival. Donny and I both say that the grief comes in waves. It is hard to see the light when you are sitting in the dark but we both agree that we will be OK. We know that much. I stumbled accross this poem and think it is so appropriate.

Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry.
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing
The tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending he didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
Knowing that he has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing.
I say "pretty good" or "fine".
But healing is something ongoing
I feel it will take a lifetime.