It has been a few weeks since I last posted and I know some of you are probably wondering how we are doing. Many days are numb, many are filled with tears. Sometimes I catch myself laughing like all is normal and I pause to wonder if that is ok. Around every corner is some memory and in every part of the house is some little token of preparation for Colton's arrival. Donny and I both say that the grief comes in waves. It is hard to see the light when you are sitting in the dark but we both agree that we will be OK. We know that much. I stumbled accross this poem and think it is so appropriate.
Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry.
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing
The tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending he didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
Knowing that he has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing.
I say "pretty good" or "fine".
But healing is something ongoing
I feel it will take a lifetime.
The NICU adventures of Colton Chilla as he grew and the journey of his mommy after he became an angel.
2 comments:
Amy & Donny,
Glad to see a post. Even if you made them private to keep writing might help you both express and heal. To miss Colton is only to know how much love you both have to give. You are a great, strong couple and this new year will be as amazing as you wish it to be. And remember laughter as well as tears big or small help relieve any stress!!!!!!!!!!!
Love ya,
Sarah K.
I'm thinking of you. I think I told you a good friend of mine has a son named Colton; every time I see him now, I think of your Colton and hope you're doing ok.
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